We plan, and God laughs… I learned the saying from a book I read after meeting the author, Rabbi Sherre Hirsch, at Canyon Ranch. It pretty much sums up the life that I thought was perfectly planned out. After my son, Beau, passed away, and I got divorced, a bright light came into my life. His name was Ken Flach. I was sure that after all the heartbreak I had been through in my life, my happy ever after had finally arrived. I could not have been more wrong.
I seriously thought I was Teflon, and nothing bad was ever going to happen to me, my husband, or my children for at least 50 years. But I was wrong. After 8 years of marriage, my husband, who was my everything, passed away from an evil sepsis infection in what seemed like five minutes. It’s been 20 months since that horrific moment he was taken off life support.
It’s ironic. After being a makeup artist, and hiding behind the scenes on photo shoots, I am now speaking publicly about making changes to the medical system and raising awareness about sepsis. I recently flew down to LA to talk with Drew Manning and Evan DeMarco – the hosts of Single Daddy Daily Podcast. In the past 20 months, I have been interviewed many times, but this time it was different. Usually, it’s a few minutes discussing Ken’s tennis career, sepsis, and my hopes of making changes to Kaiser Insurance policies. But this time, we had a 40-minute conversation about all the above, plus discussing being a single mom and going out into the dating world – which I didn’t plan on ever having to do again. It was so refreshing to discuss parenting with Drew and Evan and to hear about single parent life from a man’s perspective.
I have learned so much about myself and life since Ken passed away. I have discovered how emotionally strong I am, even when life feels so harsh, and I feel so alone. I have learned that everything is a blessing, even though we may not know it is now, in a month or even in this lifetime. Yes, I have experienced genuinely heartbreaking tragedies. I have felt like my heart has been shattered into zillions of pieces. But there has also been an abundance of miracles and blessings that keep me going on my path to healing my broken heart.
I have made it a habit every morning when I wake up, and again before I go to sleep at night, to thank the Lord and my angels in heaven for the love of my children, my work, my health, amazing friends, and family that continue to look after me. There are so many miracles that happen every day in our lives, and you’ll see them if you take a moment to notice and appreciate them. Of course, I have moments that I feel like life has been incredibly cruel and unfair to me. But then I have to make myself sit still for a few moments – to think about being blessed with beautiful miracles and love. I have trained myself to realize that these are moments of sadness, not a lifetime of misery – and this too shall pass.
I am determined to smile and laugh again. “We plan, and God laughs,” has taught me that no matter what happens in my life, it is up to me to choose to be happy, and I can promise you, that is what I intend to do.